Top Five Heroes of 2012 (Updated)
1. Abraham Lincoln (Lincoln)-Great Emancipator, Liberator, Rail-Splitter and Ancient One, Abraham Lincoln is a man of many hats. What makes him different than most though is that he manages to wear each one with poise, dignity, good will, and love of his Constitution, making the tough choices that our modern politicians have fallen a long way from doing. As if this wasn’t enough to secure him a spot in movie stardom, his character is made even more remarkable because of the fact that this Abraham Lincoln fellow was supposedly a REAL person (no kidding)!
2. "Maya" (Zero Dark Thirty)-Dedicated, loyal, and utterly obsessed with hunting down the most wanted man on Earth, the CIA field agent known only as "Maya" (who is apparently based on the real life agent responsible for finding Osama) spends twelve years of her life doing what many claimed was impossible. While other bureaucrats above her are content to shift their focus on more career advancing goals, Maya never loses sight of what is important to her, and in doing so becomes the biggest hero that the American people will never know about.
2. "Maya" (Zero Dark Thirty)-Dedicated, loyal, and utterly obsessed with hunting down the most wanted man on Earth, the CIA field agent known only as "Maya" (who is apparently based on the real life agent responsible for finding Osama) spends twelve years of her life doing what many claimed was impossible. While other bureaucrats above her are content to shift their focus on more career advancing goals, Maya never loses sight of what is important to her, and in doing so becomes the biggest hero that the American people will never know about.
3. Hulk (The Avengers)-Joss Whedon’s highly enjoyable magnum opus of Marvel properties was remarkable because so many characters were able to be so well developed in such a relatively short time, but the Angry Green Giant stood out in a crowd of awesome as the most exciting and likeable character of the bunch. After two duds (Eric Bana and Edward Norton) ruined poor Hulk’s reputation, Mark Ruffalo utterly captured the tragic sadness and unbridled rage that made comic readers fall in love with the character in the first place.
4. Ralph (Wreck-It Ralph)-Born into a life of being the villain for all time, Ralph grows weary of the business and decides to do all he can to become a good guy. His courage is commendable for facing down the impossible as he tries to become something better than what he is, and on the road to becoming a good guy he teaches children the secret to becoming a hero instead.
5. Tony Mendez (Argo)-When the only options left on the table are impossible ones, then you may as well go all out and come up with the most unrealistic and unlikely solution to save the day. CIA operative Tony Mendez creates the most far-fetched, insane, and remarkable solution to getting captured Americans home from Iran by using a Hollywood film crew to smuggle them out, setting the bar for crazy operations in clandestine services. Not only is this idea crazy enough to work in the film, but it was crazy enough to work in real life as well.
Top Five Villains of 2012
1. Mr. Silva (007: Skyfall)-Sophisticated, funny, and intensely psychotic, Javier Bardem turns in another standout villainous performance as the man James Bond was just a few life choices away from turning into. While his goals and the reach of his shadowy syndicate may seem vast and powerful at first glance, as the film progresses we learn that his one true desire and aim are much, much less impressive, but no less sinister. What makes him standout from the rest of the crowd though is that he easily slips into the top three Bond villains of all time, quite an accomplishment when you consider he faces competition the likes of Oddjob, Alec Trevelyan, and of course, Jaws.
2. Gollum (The Hobbit)-Peter Jackson’s follow up to his magnum opus has been getting mixed reviews and has emerged as a divisive piece of work, but one factor that remains just as fantastic as the previous installments is Andy Serkis’ brilliant portrayal of Gollum. Beautifully motion captured by Serkis and brought to life by the talented effects artists at WETA, this modern cinema legend once again brings a creepy tragedy back to film, and makes us wonder just how human a film creation has to be before it’s finally nominated by the film academy for “Best Actor”.
3. Andrew Detmer (Chronicle)-Creating a cookie cutter of a hateable villain is easy to do, but writing a believable tragic figure of a fallen hero is one of the hardest things to do in a script. Andrew begins his journey as a demi-god with honorable and relatively benevolent actions, but as personal real world tragedies begin to compound on his already fragile ego we see how even someone with the best intentions can fall from grace and into madness. Never before have we seen such a perfect archetype of the fallen angel since Darth Vader first graced the screens.
4. Bane (The Dark Knight Rises)-Hulking, menacing, and ruthlessly brilliant, the monstrous tactician known only as Bane brought Gotham City to its knees so effortlessly that even the audience is a little surprised when it happens. Brought to life by the immensely talented Tom Hardy, this incarnation quickly purges any lingering stench of the awful interpretation from Batman and Robin, and gives us a version more faithful to the Knightfall story arc we know and love. An unforeseen and unnecessary twist on the character towards the end of the film tarnishes his hard work however, and keeps him from climbing higher on the list.
5. Queen Victoria (Pirates! A Band of Misfits)-You would think someone with an agenda to kill the notorious seafaring class of murderers and rapists known as pirates would be a hero, you would be wrong, especially when the pirates are led by the hilarious and lovable Pirate Captain. While her motives to be rid of the pirates may seem normal on the surface, it’s not until we delve deeper into her true intentions that we discover what a monster she truly is.
Top Five Moments of 2012
1. Raid of the Canaries (Zero Dark Thirty)-Tense, taut, exciting, and brutally real, the actual assault on the infamous Pakistan compound is such a brilliantly directed gunfight that you almost don't even realize that there is barely any real action to it. This is one of the best shootouts i have ever seen in film history, but its real strength isn't in choreography, special effects, or camera tricks. Instead, the scene manages to perfectly convey a sense of accomplishment and realism while also showcasing the sheer brutality and inglorious necessity that is sadly inherent in such an operation.
2. The Last Stand (007: Skyfall)-James Bond films have certainly had their share of crazy situations and outlandish events, but the frantic and desperate battle for survival in the third act of Skyfall stands out as one of the greatest (yet simplest) moments in Bond history. Never in the history of any Bond movie has so much (and yet so little) been at stake for the most famous secret agent of all time, all compounded by the fact that we now finally know the story behind the man.
2. The Last Stand (007: Skyfall)-James Bond films have certainly had their share of crazy situations and outlandish events, but the frantic and desperate battle for survival in the third act of Skyfall stands out as one of the greatest (yet simplest) moments in Bond history. Never in the history of any Bond movie has so much (and yet so little) been at stake for the most famous secret agent of all time, all compounded by the fact that we now finally know the story behind the man.
3. Closing the Loop (Looper)-Desperate to atone for sins he has yet to commit and dedicated to bringing in his final payday, Joe the time travelling hitman is faced with a desperate situation that will shape the world for the next thirty years. When the chips are down and the situation quickly spirals out of control, Joe chooses the one option for a better world that the audience never thought a ruthless mercenary like him would ever go for… sacrifice.
4. The Song of the Misty Mountain (The Hobbit)-Peter Jackson’s return to Middle Earth has been divisive to say the least, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t a myriad of outstanding and beautifully shot scenes from an immensely talented and well regarded director saturating the entire film. Jackson shows us his true capabilities when he gives us a simple, but powerfully resounding scene that sticks in your head better than any other scene in the film, a group of warriors singing a song together by the light of the fireplace in remembrance of their lost home.
5. The Battle Of New York (The Avengers)-I typically despise overly long and self-important action scenes because after three of four minutes of action they tend to stagnate and grow boring no matter how many explosions there are (Transformers anyone?). So why is this film any different? The answer… unlike other bloated action films (Transformers anyone?) Joss Whedon knows how to perfectly balance action, humor, editing, pacing, and drama into an action scene that has you on the edge of your seat for nearly thirty minutes. Watching these superheroes we have grown to love play off of each other in battle is a sight to behold for the casual movie watcher, and the Holy Grail for nerds and geeks like me.
Top Five Dorks of 2012
1. Jacob (Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2)-Picking on the Twilight films at this point is like picking on a kid who can’t fight back, it’s not even fun, and the people who keep on doing it don’t know that everyone is tired of that crap. So it must take a REALLY special tool for the Dork of the Year to be chosen from this film. Luckily Jacob takes up the torch this time around by wanting to f**k a baby through the entire film. That’s not an exageration by the way, he legitamately… wants to f**k… a baby. I was wrong Stephanie Meyer… you certainly are a master of romance.
2. Invisible Ghosts (Paranormal Activity [Insert Number Here])-Silence… silence… silence… silence… movement… silence. You now know the secret behind the laziest scary film franchise of all time. You’re welcome.
3. Kid Blue (Looper)-Amidst a collection of badasses, mercenaries, hitmen, and Bruce Willis, Kid Blue manages to be an embarassment to a collection of legitimately tough dudes. When you have your gun taken away from you by your mob boss father because you can’t stop shooting yourself in the foot, you should really start looking into new lines of profession more suited to someone with your level of professionalism… like gay porn.
4. Detective Lieutenant Foley (Dark Knight Rises)-Dedicating your life to advancing your career by chasing the god damned Batman is one of the worst ideas you could possibly come up with. Cowering out of your obligations when faced with a city wide crisis is an equally dumb choice. Throw in being a completely pointless and useless character in such a high profile film and you have a trifecta of fail for a completely forgettable and unnecessary person.
5. Fix-It Felix (Wreck-it Ralph)-Like Ron Weasley in last year’s list, Fix-it Felix is the only likeable and memorable dork on this list. Willing to trek out on his own and risk his life to save his arcade and friends, Felix discovers the hard cards Ralph has been dealt in his life, and in the process becomes Ralph’s staunchest supporter and ally despite his impish appearance. It also helps that he’s voiced perfectly by the immensely talented and lovable Jack McBrayer
My Favorite (not necessarily Best) Films of 2012
1. Zero Dark Thirty-10
1. Zero Dark Thirty-10
2. 007: Skyfall-9.75
3. Argo-9.75
4. Lincoln-9.5
5. The Avengers-9.5
6. Looper-9.25
7. The Dark Knight Rises-9
8. Wreck-it Ralph-9.5
9. The Hobbit-8.5
10. Pirates! A Band of Misfits-9
Honorable Mentions-Films I just haven’t had a chance to see yet this year, but have been getting a lot of attention. If your favorite movies aren’t on my tops list, they are probably on this one.
Moonrise Kingdom
The Master
Flight
Life of Pi
Django: Unchained
The Grey
How to Survive a Plague
