007: Skyfall

Full disclosure… I really have no idea what I’m doing.  I’ve never been to film school, haven’t taken a single journalism class, and my blog history is sketchy at best. One thing I am an expert about however, are James Bond films and books. I’ve read most of Ian Fleming’s novels, and seen every single Bond franchise film at least twice (even Moonraker), so believe me when I say that Skyfall is really something special.

First of all I’d like to bring up an opinion that is going to make a lot of you hate me, but I believe Daniel Craig is honestly the best Bond of all time. Yes, Sean Connery was amazing as Bond and he created the on screen version of the man and he is freaking awesome and I love him and he’s my hero and if the laws of nature allowed it I’d bare his children and… um… I don’t know where I was going with this, but the point is that while Mr. Connery was legendary in the role, he wasn’t the Bond that Ian Fleming pictured. Bond in the books was a smaller, nondescript man, the sort of guy who could fit in anywhere under any circumstances. He also happened to be borderline amoral as well, the sort of man who would do or sacrifice anything to complete the mission. Sean Connery was charming and could undoubtedly kick tremendous amounts of villainous ass, but he was almost too nice of a guy to really be Bond.

Daniel Craig carries an air of intimidation much better than any of the previous five incarnations ever could, and he also looks like the only one who bothered to go to a few god damn self-defense classes to prepare for the role. In short he just plain looks like he really understands who James Bond is better than anyone else who has ever assumed the role. It’s a good thing Bond knows what he’s doing as well, because in this film Bond has to match wits with the equally brilliant Javier Bardem as Mr. Silva, a deranged, sociopathic former 00 agent himself.

The film opens up with an amazing opening chase scene that is arguably my favorite opening of all time, right up there with The Living Daylights and Goldeneye. After a botched operation leaves Bond injured, missing, and presumed dead, he is miraculously resurrected by what is arguably the best Bond song ever made. Sung by the aptly talented Adele, it manages to sound modern while sounding a lot like the classic Bond title songs like Goldfinger and Thunderball, and my wife personally believes that no one else should be allowed to do a Bond song as long as Adele is alive.

Following the failed operation Bond is happy to disappear and take an early retirement on a tropical island while nursing his injuries. When MI6 comes under attack from an unknown source however, Bond decides to return and offer his help investigating this new threat. He doesn’t come back alone though, as his return is accompanied by a mean case of disillusionment in his former boss and mentor M and a minor addiction to pain pills. After being forced to go through a series of tests to evaluate if he is ready to go back to field work James is forced to come face to face with his most dangerous opponent to date, losing his edge.

A recurring theme in this film is the idea that Bond’s abilities have dulled due to his addiction and absence from field work, and some of my favorite scenes of the film revolve around James' disbelief at the idea that he isn’t the man he used to be. One scene is particular of Bond on the firing range as he utterly botches his marksmanship qualifications resounds with me personally, and the disbelief and frustration in Daniel Craig’s eyes say more than all the dialogue in the world could convey. At one point his new supervisor (played by the fantastic Ralph Fiennes) flat out asks him why he didn’t stay a ghost, and tells him there’s nothing wrong with admitting he just isn’t up to snuff anymore.

When the real meat and potatoes of the film picks up, it never sloughs off. The second act of this film holds the tensest scenes of any Bond movie to date. The action scenes are exciting and frantic, and best of all, any trace of the shaky cam they overused in the last Bond film is now gone. Quantum of Solace had a lot of problems with it, but the most irking for me was the director’s inability to film an action scene without it looking like they gave Muhammad Ali the camera.

Pictured: The clearest shot I could find of Quantum of Salace

For those of you unfamiliar with the reason for the overuse of this gimmick it all started with Saving Private Ryan. When making the movie Steven Spielberg disabled all steady cams and desaturated the film to make the opening D-Day scene look more authentic. It was brilliantly done and had a purpose behind it, but typical “Hey, me too!” Hollywood thinking led to it being used in everything from The Bourne Supremacy to Transformers 2 even though it doesn’t add anything at all to the scene.

Still a clearer image than anything in Quantum of Solace

The point is, Skyfall shows that you can create a realistically frantic and intense looking scene without shaking the camera about, one scene in particular really stands out in my head, a frantic fist fight in front of a neon skyline where the audience can’t even identify with certainty which character is which.

Another thing I love about this film is the exploration of the dynamic between Bond and M, as the film makes the audience realize that whether he meant to or not, James views her as a mother figure since his own parents died when he was a child. Judi Dench turns in what I honestly believe to be the best performance of her lifetime as well, which is impressive considering her history of film. Both of these strong points are intensified in the final act of the film, which is so unlike anything ever done in a Bond movie before that it deserves a special place in its annals as well. In fact, one of the strangest but greatest points of this film is the fact that each act is completely different than the others. 

I’d be remiss if I didn’t talk about a Bond film without bringing up the villain, as Bond villains have a reputation of being the best in show business. I’m happy to report that even with villains as famously devious as Oddjob, Ernst Blofeld, Max Zorin, Alec Trevelyan and, of course, Jaws, Javier Bardem’s “Mr. Silva” stands out as an instant classic. He may not be my favorite villain of all time (THAT honor goes to Sean Bean’s Trevelyan), but he definitely stands out from the crowd and easily slips in to my top three favorites. This is greatly needed, since all of the villains that Daniel Craig has fought so far have turned out to be lackluster at best.

Useless, but still more intimidating than…

Clearly this douche is an even match for James freakin Bond.

What really makes Bardem stand out though is that his development is sort of the opposite of typical Bond villain standards. For example, a typical Bond film (Goldfinger for example) will start out with Bond investigating some new villain due to an assassination or seemingly insignificant event (a smuggling ring). Bond will then typically meet the main antagonist (Auric Goldfinger) and on closer inspection finds out that there are many deeper layers to the man (secret base). As the movie progresses we discover that not only is this man actually the villain behind earlier events (the death of Jill Masterson), but said event is typically a precursor to a much larger bid for global domination or influence (irradiating the world’s gold reserves) using a super deadly weapon (nuclear bombs). Skyfall however follows a different path. When we meet Silva he has already established himself as a one man global force and been manipulating world politics for years, but as the film goes on and we reveal more and more layers of Silva, his aim and his goals become much more simple and focused, culminating in a goal that almost seems… unimpressive.

Quality cinematography, exceptional direction, and a great score lead to this film hitting all the right notes in all the right places. Great acting from the whole cast make the characters both likeable and believable. I have already brought up the fantastic acting of Judi Dench, but Craig once again nails Bond on the head with his intimidating and intense portrayal as the legendary 007. Ralph Fiennes makes the most out of a somewhat limited screen time, and a late in the film appearance by Christpher Plummer gives the man a great role I never expected to see in a Bond film. Naomi Harris is also outstanding as a fellow field agent who is nearly crucified by MI6 after her accidental shooting of Bond.

In a sea of great performances however, there are two standouts that deserve mention. The first is Bardem as the excellent Mr. Silva, who brings a sense of dread and impending insanity to what could have been a cookie cutter of a Bond villain. Bardem channels all of his Anton Chigurh evil genius while bringing a sense of class and dignity to create one of the best Bond villains of all time, and the first exchange between the two agents is chock full of tense dialogue and laugh out loud humor.

The second special mention is Ben Whishaw as the new and completely out of left field interpretation of Q, which Bond aficionados know is short for the head of the Quartermaster Branch. Typically a doddering old man who supplies Bond with his cool gadgets, this new incarnation is now more of a young, arrogant computer prodigy who has both a respect and indifference towards field agents. He believes them to be a last resort when computer espionage fails, but understands their importance none the less. Just like with Silva, his first meeting with Bond is nothing short of brilliant, and it’s really good to see Q really contribute to the story instead of handing Bond some new toys and quipping his usual “Do try to return this equipment in one piece Agent Bond”.

I do have a few problems with the film however, most notably that it more or less derails the popular fan theory that Bond is actually a code name and not a person. If you are not interested in this theory skip to the “End Theory” section of the review, but believe me when I say it is a great read if interested.

In a nutshell the theory states that each actor is actually a completely new agent, and that they are given the handle “James Bond” when they receive their 00 status the same way Q and M are given their titles. While this may seem strange and improbable there is a lot of evidence supporting this theory. For example, how can one mane fight terrorist threats for the last forty years and not age a day? It would also explain why the behavior of each agent is so different than the others. Daniel Craig shoots unarmed bad guys in the face without remorse, while Roger Moore puts on clown makeup and swings from vines while uttering Tarzan screams.

I did not make those instances up.

Furthermore, the best evidence can be found when looking at the arrival and departure of each actor.

Bond-Connery was the first in the line, the standard of what an MI6 agent should be. He was promoted to the job for one purpose, to investigate a new terrorist organization that has been entrenching its roots in deeper and deeper into world politics. Bond-Connery does an exemplary job uncovering the covert organization SPECTRE and tracking down their head member Ernst Blofeld. In Connery’s final consecutive film You Only Live Twice, Bond Connery blows up SPECTRE’s main base, and Blofeld  presumably dies in the explosion. With his mission complete, Bond-Connery retires and collects a government pension, which leads to…

Bond-Lazenby only made one Bond film, arguably the best in the series, but this one film is all it takes for the conspiracy theory to gain a lot of momentum. Bond-Lazenby is promoted to Bond status and takes on the assignment to track down Blofeld, who didn’t die in the explosion. Bond tracks down Blofeld to a chateau in the mountains and comes face to face with him, and even though this is Blofeld’s arch nemesis it appears that he doesn’t recognize Bond at all! Bond didn’t have reconstructive surgery or anything, so how could he not recognize this man? Eventually Bond-Lazenby thwarts Blofeld and actually gets married, only to have her die by a bullet shot by none other than Blofeld. The film ends with Bond-Lazenby falling to pieces as he holds his dead wife, and cut to the next film which is…

Bond-Connery trying to track down Blofeld once again. It can be assumed that Bond-Lazenby retired out of grief and MI6 reinstated Bond-Connery to finish the job he started, because now Blofeld recognized Bond without a moment of hesitation. Diamonds are Forever is the only film in Connery’s second run as Bond, which is fitting because it ends with Blofeld dying for good. Now with Blofeld REALLY out of the way, Bond-Connery retires for good, and the powers that be change things up by bringing in…

Bond-Moore takes the reins, and turns in seven Bond films centering around MI6’s conflict with the KGB at the height of the Iron Curtain scare, almost as if they instated this man for that sole purpose. This also marks the most ridiculous and uncharacteristic Bond behavior of all time, with Roger Moore acting more like a slapstick comedian than an action hero and setting him leagues apart from the previous (and future) incarnations of Bond. Bond-Moore fights the soviets for over a decade until his final outing in 1985 with View to a Kill. Any history buffs know what happened a year later in 1986 around that time? That’s right, the beginning of the collapse of the Soviet Union. With his job accomplished and old age setting in, this seems like a good time for Bond-Moore to hang up his tux and retire, handing the title to…

Bond-Dalton. Timothy Dalton got a bum rap as the legendary agent, mainly because he decided to play the amoral secret agent as… and brace yourself for this… an amoral secret agent. It’s a shame too, because of all the actors to take the mantle of Bond, Timothy Dalton is arguably the best actor out of the group, and his portrayal of the role is almost identical to Craig’s interpretation, which I’m sure you know by now, a lot of people are praising. Dalton turned in only two films, but in his second film something happens that has never happened in a Bond film before, Bond is kicked out of MI6 and goes rogue. He does this to track down the people who attacked his friend Felix Leiter, and when the film ends Dalton is never re-instated back into MI6, so we have a gap from 1987-1996, remember this for later on!

Bond-Brosnan is brought in as the new Bond in 1996, and while not really much for the action star persona it’s hard to deny that Pierce Brosnan had charm in spades during his tenure. Brosnan is brought in around a time of multiple political conflicts, and he addresses them in a timely basis, but his final outing (the horrible Die Another Day) contains a scene where he is captured by North Korea and MI6 disavows him. When he meets back up with M she informs him that his 00 status has been suspended, and MI6 can only help him piece together the events from an unofficial standpoint. When the film ends it can be assumed that the help from MI6 was only temporary, and Bond has a comfortable retirement. Flash forward to Casino Royale, which opens with a much younger Bond-Craig earning his 00 stripes with his first two kills.

Believe it or not, there are only two hang-ups that could disprove this theory, and both of them deal with Bond’s deceased wife. In For Your Eyes Only Bond (who is played by Moore) visits the gravesite of his former wife Tracy (who was married to Lazenby), but earlier in the film Moore kills the last trace of SPECTRE by dropping him down a smokestack, so it can be assumed that he was simply visiting the site  out of respect for his predecessor. Furthermore, he doesn’t call his wife a term of endearment, but simply calls her Tracy, which shows that this gesture is more a sign of respect than of love.

The second hang-up comes from License to Kill, when Felix Lieter’s new wife asks why James seems depressed when he leaves their wedding. Felix replies “He was married once… long ago”, which we assume was once again… Tracy. However, it could just be coincidence. Lots of people get married, and in a line of work as dangerous as Bond is in, one can assume that maybe she was killed to get to him before he became a 00, hence the depression.

Hints could even be found in the new film of this theory, and I swear at one point I thought they were going to confirm the theory. Throughout the movie it is alluded to several times that Javier Bardem may have once been given the Bond designation.  We find out that Mr. Silva was once not only an MI6 agent, but the best agent in the ministry. He also refers to himself and bond as the collective “we”, implying that they shared the same position or designation (or name?). When he asks M to call him by his “real name” she refuses, and most damning of all, Silva mentions that he was an active agent from 1987-1996. If those years sound familiar, it’s because they were the same Bond movie-less years between Dalton’s last outing and Brosnan’s first.

Unfortunately, the film also explodes this awesome theory by establishing Daniel Craig’s early childhood and showing his family name as “Bond”, but I’m still holding out hope that this is just coincidence.

END FAN THEORY

A few small things didn’t jive with me in the film, for example, why would a Quartermaster need super computer hacking skills? Typically quartermasters are either ultimate supply clerks or navigators in the navy, someone really good with computers would typically be given a position in another shop or branch and quartermasters. A few small exchanges were somewhat unbelievable, and the main squeeze for Bond is sort of a flat character, despite how good looking she is. It should also be noted that this is the third Bond film in a row where Bond doesn’t end up with the girl, which adds realism to the film, but it’s a little depressing.

Overall, this film is not just a great Bond film, but one of the best action films I have ever seen. It may not be my favorite Bond film of all time (that award goes to From Russia With Love), but it’s a close second, and getting second place in a universe of films that include movies such as Goldfinger, Thunderball, Casino Royale, and Goldeneye is still one hell of achievement.

9.75 out of 10

The 6 Best Actors You've Never Heard Of

Everyone out there knows about the George Clooneys, the Brad Pitts, and the Tom Cruises in the Hollywood world. Pretty boys who can’t seem to stop winning all the damn Oscars despite their sub-par acting abilities are sadly over-saturating Hollywood due to the fact that let’s face it… people love beauty. But for every Oscar hogging actor out there we can take comfort knowing that there are people with real talent acting their hearts out, even if they don’t earn the recognition they deserve. People like…

1. Paul Giamatti

Why He’s Awesome-Everyone who knows me knows that Paul Giamatti just barely eeks out Don Cheadle as my favorite actor of this generation. To say the man is a talented actor is like saying bacon is sort of tasty, it's just plain insulting. Whether playing a struggling author who is trying to piece his life together following his divorce in Sideways, playing founding father John Adams as the man I always imagined him as in John Adams, or playing quite possibly the greatest campy villain of all time in Shoot Em’ Up, every single role he takes on he plays with absolute brilliance. He is one of the few actors out there who is able to take what should be a thankless role and turn them into standout performances like he did in Cinderella Man or Shoot Em’ Up. On top of it all he also happens to be one of the most versatile actors out there as well, playing every role imaginable with equal brilliance.

Why You’ve Never Heard of Him-First of all, look at him.

I love this dude, but he looks like someone cops would shoot at if they saw him within fifty feet of a playground. Perhaps his looks have made him work harder at perfecting his craft, because he can easily act circles around any Oscar winner out there. He has even been nominated for three Oscars, but lost all three times to inferior actors.

Where You Can Next See Him-Win/Win now on DVD

2. Lance Reddick

Why He’s Awesome-Because he’s awesome. There’s a whole slew of reasons why this dude is primed to explode on the big screen, but take one look at that picture and tell me that this isn’t the coolest man who has ever lived. As if he isn’t badass enough he also happens to have one of the most awesome voices in Hollywood, and he’s an accomplished Jazz pianist and vocalist. And oh yeah, he’s also a phenomenal actor. After turning in amazing roles in four of the greatest shows to ever air (Oz, Fringe, Lost, The Wire) you think the guy would be in every damn movie to ever grace the silver screen, but alas, this is not the case. He’s known for his rather intense roles, but when comic relief pops up in any of his shows he handles it with equal skill.

Why You’ve Never Heard Of Him-Despite his serious acting abilities, his true love is music. In fact, he originally got into acting to simply help pay for his true passion, and as much as I’d love to see him on the big screen, it’s hard to deny he doesn’t belong in music after hearing some of his works.

Where You Can Next See Him-The fifth and final season of Fringe has just started, in which he is one of the main characters, but if you want to see what he is REALLY capable of, watch any season of The Wire.

3. Bruce Campbell

Why He’s Awesome-Now this guy you probably know, but not knowing him by name should be a felony. Bruce Campbell first attained his legend with the cult classic Sam Raimi Evil Dead films, and has since continued to grow his legacy to become the undisputed “King of B Movies”. In addition to B-films however, he has leant his talent to endless other projects, including countless big budget films, voice acting, and quite possible the coolest string of commercials ever made.

 Not one to ride a legacy however, he is a legitimately awesome actor, turning in an Oscar worthy performance in the indie film Bubba-Ho-Tep. He has such an underground following and is so well liked that he is one of the few actors in the world who has actually played himself in a movie about himself, plus he has the distinction of being the only person on this list who I have had the privilege of meeting.

Why You’ve Never Heard of Him-In addition to being a great actor, he also happens to be a role model for most men. Plus, he also happens to be pretty damn gorgeous, especially in his glory days.

Congratulations ladies, you just got pregnant

So what the hell happened? Well, Bruce himself has said that his presence in any A-list film is inversely proportionate to the film’s success, and while this is quite silly, it’s also sadly true. A big budget film with Bruce in it very rarely does well, and unfortunately, Hollywood has realized this as well. This isn’t all bad though, as it has allowed Bruce to continue his reign in B-movieland unopposed.

Where You Can Next See Him-Bruce has found success on the USA show Burn Notice as a side character named Sam Axe. His character has become so popular in fact that he has managed to spawn his own movie. That’s right, Bruce’s side character has had more movies made about him than the show’s main characters.

4. David Tennant

Why He’s Awesome-Unlike the rest of the actors on this list, Tennant was an accomplished stage actor before breaking into the screen. More importantly however, was the way he broke out, taking on his lifelong fantasy as the greatest incarnation of the Doctor the world has ever seen in Doctor Who. While my wife may not agree, he has consistently been voted as the sexiest Doctor as well, and in case years of Shakespearean stage acting didn’t tip you off, his acting abilities are absolutely top notch. He was the only really watchable thing in last year’s Fright Night remake, and his stage performances are revered as a thing of legend, particularly his performance as Hamlet in Royal Shakespeare Theatre. One critic has even called him “…the greatest thing to happen to Shakespeare since Ian McKellan.”

Why You’ve Never Heard of Him-For one, Doctor Who is the one science fiction property that still manages to maintain something of a cult following, so while the show is the tits for those who know about it, most people in the States have never heard of it. Other than that, he just quite hasn’t had the stateside breakout role that he needs to solidify him in our world.

Where You Can Next See Him-The upcoming series The Spies of Warsaw, and Fright Night now on DVD.

5. Jared Harris

Why He’s Awesome-Son of legendary actor Richard Harris, Jared seems to have inherited his father’s immense acting talents and build upon them to accomplish the impossible… actually surpassing his father’s skills. While usually excelling at playing antagonists due to his menacing looks and sallow complexion, Harris’ range easily extends to play any role imaginable. I’ve always believed the ability to blend to be the hardest thing to master in acting, a trait which has been mastered by exceptional actors such as Meryl Steep, Gary Oldman, and Johny Depp. If Harris’ early career is anything to judge by, he is well on his way to breaking through to fill his talented father’s shoes. Anyone who has seen the film Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows can attest how masterfully his perfect interpretation of James Moriarty was in the film.

Why You’ve Never Heard of Him-Hopefully, it’s just too early in his career for him to be a household name, but his older age and somewhat sallow looks certainly aren’t helping in that department. Again, I cannot stress enough that looks shouldn’t matter in the field of acting, yet Hollywood just keeps handing people like George Clooney Oscars for playing… George Clooney in a different shirt. Actors like Tom Hanks and Geoffrey Rush winning awards are a thing of the past, and now it looks like the pretty boy ticket is the way to go if you want a shiny gold Oscar.

Where You Can Next See Him-It looks like Harris may be bucking the system I just described, with increasing appearances in both television and film. You can see him in shows such as Fringe and Mad Men, and of course you can see his great performance as Moriarty in Shelrock Holmes: A Game of Shadows.

6. Andy Serkis

Why He’s Awesome-Andy Serkis has played some of the highest profile characters in some of the biggest movies of the past fifteen years, characters that have become Hollywood icons and early screen legends. So why have you never heard of him? Chances are you have, you just know him as the characters he portrays such as Gollum...



King Kong

Archibald Haddock

And Caesar the Ape

Regarded as the greatest motion capture actor of all time, his performances aren’t just limited to this field. He has also performed in small but noteworthy roles in every film he motion captures, and every role he turns in is always outstanding. Of particular note was his portrayal as Mr. Alley, Nikola Tesla’s assistant in the criminally overlooked film The Prestige. He has also performed in many British works as well, such as MI-5 and Einstein and Eddington.

Why You’ve Never Heard of Him-Not surprisingly, Hollywood absolutely loathes any technology that threatens to put a dent in their actor’s salaries. As a result, new and impressive technologies and people such as stop motion characterization actors are often crapped on by studios, no matter how talented they are. Despite all of this resistance however, Mr. Serkis’ skills still shine through, which forced the American Film Institute to have an honest to God debate about whether they could nominate Caesar the Ape for an Oscar or not.

Where You Can See Him Next-Andy Serkis will be reprising his legendary role as Gollum in the upcoming Hobbit trilogy starting this Christmas… provided that pesky impending apocalypse falls through.



One Minute Reviews: Hunger Games, Hope Springs, and Expendables 2

THE HUNGER GAMES-When I first heard about this movie all I could think was “So it’s like The Running Man meets Battle Royale with kids?”. Even worse was the fact that the production company behind it was the same one as the Twilight films, and just like those films this movie was based on a series of books for young ‘tweens. The film already had two strikes against it, but with some good writing, a solid cast including Donald Sutherland and the always overlooked Woody Harrelson, and a talented director I’m happy to report that while this film does draw a lot of inspiration from those works, it also has the strength to stand on its own two legs.

Well paced, well written, and featuring characters that you grow to like especially quick, this film takes what was in my mind, a doomed idea from the start and turns it into a really enjoyable survival thriller. The cinematography, while off to a rough start with a crap load of shaky cam in the first fifteen minutes (I HATE shaky cam) quickly calms down and becomes even once the plot begins to be set in motion. I really liked the second act of the film, which surprised me because all it basically boiled down to was a training montage mixed with some expository back story of the games themselves. Normally I hate how they try to rush these scenes in movies like this, but in this film it came across smoothly and naturally, never jilted or rushed.

I loved all the performances in the film, from Jennifer Lawrence’s turn as the hardened front runner to Josh Hutcherson’s performance as the lovesick second banana, to Woody Harrelson as the haunted former champion. In my mind though Stanley Tucci once again steals the show as a flamboyant television host, and he makes the most of a somewhat limited screen time. All in all this film was a surprisingly likeable movie for those who like well paced and suspenseful movies, and from what I have heard, it is incredibly faithful to the book.

8.5 out of 10

HOPE SPRINGS-Two aging Oscar winners and a very talented comic actor in a romantic comedy is sure to win over countless people with its comic potential, and so it was that the wife and I decided to watch this movie. Some of the jokes are derivative and the direction very generic, but luckily the chemistry between the talented cast and the solid humor makes this film utterly charming and enjoyable to watch as a couple.

What makes this apparently generic romantic comedy so enjoyable is the slight twist of making it about two older people instead of two good looking Hollywood stars, one of them a sexually starved and timid housewife and the other a curmudgeony old fart. The end result is humorous because it’s like watching two people with even less sexual experience that two young teens try to connect with each other on an emotional level.

Meryl Streep is fantastic in her role, but Tommy Lee Jones absolutely blows it out of the water with what I honestly believe may be his best role to date. He perfectly encapsulates that angry, cynical old guy that makes everyone feel sorry for his wife, wondering “why the hell is she still married to him?”. Steve Carrell is dependable in his role, but I feel like his comic potential is wasted as the extremely soft spoken marital counselor bent on making their marriage work after all these years.

Be warned however, that for the innocent and happy romantic comedy this film is really trying to sell itself as, there is a LOT of adult material for the unsuspecting viewers. One such scene involves a multiple Oscar winning actress giving another Oscar winning actor a… “jump start” in the middle of a crowded movie theater… shown in its full entirety with no cuts or edits and a creepy grin spreading over Tommy Lee Jones’ face. Despite this little surprise however, this is a highly enjoyable film due to its smart writing and fantastic cast. Throw your wife a bone and take her to this film, since it is a romantic comedy that both sexes can get behind.

8 out of 10

THE EXPENDABLES 2 (WARNING-This review takes 2 minutes to read)-Let’s get one thing straight, this film clearly isn’t going to win any Oscars, but that being said it’s certainly a great return to the golden days of 80’s mentality action films. Let us travel back to a magical time when guns had unlimited ammo, cheesy one-liners were a necessity, and striking a pose with a gun was far more important than pesky things like recoil reduction and muzzle stability. And who among us in the military was not taught in basic training how to fan a single action revolver? In a movie where a mercenary dresses as a priest and utters the line “I now pronounce you man… and knife!” before stabbing a man in the throat, it can be safely assumed that traditional rules of what makes a good film can be thoroughly disregarded.

Now I have a confession, I am a male soldier in his 20s who has NOT seen the original Expendables, but despite my lack of knowledge of this tapestry of fine storytelling I can safely say that newcomers can jump into this new film without much confusion of what is happening. The majority of the original cast returns in this film, with newcomers Liam “2 Days Til’ Retirement” Hemsworth and Chuck “Boogeyman Repellant” Norris rounding out the heroes. Jean-Claude Van Damne enters in style as well, and solidifies his place in the film when he roundhouses a knife into a man’s heart the first time we see him.

Now obviously there are issues with the film, most notably that the clichés are absolutely rampant in the film, but that actually works as a bit of a strength because it almost acts as an homage to the action films of old. Also, as a Jet Li fan I was a little gut-punched to discover he is barely in the movie, I guess these super commandoes are impervious to everything except scheduling conflicts.

But let’s be honest, the action is the real star of this film, and the movie delivers it in spades. Gloriously overlong action scenes are shot in their full beauty, with massive men accomplishing miraculous feats with weaponry while uttering laughably cheesy dialogue. Now I know what a lot of you are thinking “How can a guy who claims he hates action movies like Transformers 2 and 3 like a movie that’s nothing but action scenes?”, while I can list about seven dozen reasons off the top of my head I’m going to narrow it down to three.

For one, this film is self-deprecating and meant to be schlocky while the Transformers films are meant NOT to be. This allows the audience to almost slip out of the bonds of traditional film making and take in this film as a giant homage to those older action movies. The guys behind the movie know this, and it’s written to actually remind us of that fact they are just having fun when it may seem like the movie is trying to take itself seriously. In a nutshell, this is the movie that GI Joe should have been, plus it was kinda refreshing to see Arnold back in action after such a long hiatus.

For two, the direction, cinematography, and stunt work is done in the traditional, old fashioned way, which makes it far more exciting than the Transformers films. Remember a few articles ago when I talked about how nowadays special effects didn’t mean anything anymore and that real stunts were becoming the much more effective filming tool? (if not, here you go… and you’re welcome (http://www.gump-o-rama.blogspot.com/2012/01/twofer-tuesday-rock-and-mission.html) Well this film shows how true this statement is. Seeing real effects and real stunt work using precision, timing, and talent comes off much more realistic and exciting than all the cartoon robot fights from all three Transformers films combined.

Finally, and most importantly, is the most remarkable irony I could ever have imagined in this film when comparing it to the Transformers movies. Despite the fact that The Expendables 2 is meant to be a silly, fun, schlocky throwback to the classic action films of old and NOT meant to make the audience associate with the characters, I still found myself caring more about these guys than the characters of the Transformers franchise. Sure, they may be cardboard cutouts of supermen, but I actually found myself more enthralled with their struggles than stupid Sam Witwicky and his robot cars and his girlfriend of the week. The greatest irony is that despite all their money and computers and technology Michael Bay still failed to create the most important thing of all when filming a movie, an emotional connection with the audience (Yes, I totally stole that from Mr. Plinkett from Red Letter Media, but holy crap does it fit in this review!).

If you can turn off your mind and gobble your popcorn, you might just come to appreciate this silly but fun action movie for what it is supposed to be, not mindless action or pointless action, but interesting action.

8 out of 10

The Incredible Shrinking TV Season

In 1993 Fox ran a short lived show called The Adventures of Brisco County Jr. It was a western starring the king himself, Bruce Campbell, as a bounty hunter during the waning days of the wild west. In the show, the title character takes up his father’s guns to avenge his murder at the hands of a supernatural killer named John Bly. He also managed to tap so much wild west ass that it was a miracle he didn’t die of syphilis by the 9^th episode.

Being Bruce Campbell apparently boosts your immune system as well

It was a critically acclaimed show that just couldn’t pull the crowds to get a second season, but it found success as a cult favorite when it was released on DVD. It’s cheesy as all hell, but it was a terrific show with a great cast and a good story, and well ahead of its time when it came out. Needless to say, when they released the DVD of the entire series of a show I grew up on AND starring my role model I preordered it, and I seriously recommend seeing it yourself if you get a chance.

The point of all of this is that Kristy and I decided to watch it again, and imagine my surprise when I opened that case again and saw EIGHT discs loaded with episodes for a total of 28 hour long episodes for an amazing price, and that got me thinking about something.

The first real TV series I ever bought on DVD when it was released was the first season of 24. DVDs were a new thing at the time, and the idea of having a whole series of television on just a few discs was a welcome change from the old days of having about a dozen VHS tapes to accommodate a single season of your favorite show.

Ah man, f**k VHS

Back to the point though, for around forty bucks I got 24 hours of television plus a ton of special features, preeeeeeeeetty good deal considering the DVD of a movie gives you maybe two hours of film for about twenty bucks. Things were good, but then something happened.

Around the time of the emergence of DVDs a typical season of television consisted of about 22 to 26 episodes, but then the amount of episodes per season for most shows began to change. After a few years a typical season began to consist of about 18-20 episodes, and then about 12-16. What was the deal with this? Well, to sum it up, television was trying to send us a message.

Albeit a subtle one

In case you can’t see where this is going, the shorter seasons are being sold for just as much as the longer ones, if not more. Over time the length of a season of TV has gotten so short that it’s now just plain ridiculous. The Closer’s final season concluded last night with its eleventh episode, and don’t even get me started with HBO, who broadcasts amazing television… 8-10 episodes at a time.

Next week, part two of the season premiere/finale

Why give the viewer and consumer what they want when you can work half as hard at half the cost and demand just as much money from those who have come to love your show. Give the viewer what they want? Pffffft… almighty dollar at work here people! Watch our show! Buy our shit! Even more insulting is hearing networks say that they are changing this format for OUR benefit. They say that by cutting the seasons in half and broadcasting them at a two-thirds yearly interval we get more overall hours of the show, which makes NO f**king sense. The old scheme gave us roughly 22 hours of a show per year, the new format is very lucky if it gives us 18, so cut the crap and just say “Money assholes! Money!”

But the most insulting and infuriating format I have seen sadly comes from my favorite new show, with the… wait for it…

Suck it fans!

Yep… you are reading that right, Doctor Who Season 6… PART ONE. Six whole hours of a twelve episode season. And don’t even think for a second that it’s only half price because Part One sells for nearly fifty dollars.

The point is that this crap is getting out of hand. Big Love… 8 episodes a season. The Walking Dead… six episodes a season. All sold for full price on DVD. I don’t know what I plan on accomplishing with this article other than alerting you to the fact, but if you want to send a message, just stick to Netflix like my wife and I and rent new seasons on disc. Hopefully they will get the message and change things back to the way they were. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m out to watch episode 3 of Sherlock, which happens to be (and I shit you not) it’s season finale.

Seriously though I frigging LOVE this show.

The Dark Knight Rises

WARNING, THAR BE SPOILERS AHEAD!

Let me start off by reminding everyone that I have never really been much of a DC comic fan growing up, my allegiance usually lied with the Marvel universe. DC superheroes are certainly cool and everything, but once you get past their initial power loadout the characters themselves were often flat, boring, and strangely devoid of any real personal arcs. People like Superman, The Flash, Green Lantern, and so on never really faced any personal struggles once they took their masks off, and as a result they always ended up being boring, stiff, wooden characters who just happen to fight evil.

 Marvel on the other hand was full of characters that were actual human beings first and superheroes second. People like Tony Stark, Matthew Murdoch, and of course, Peter Parker allowed us to glean into the personal struggles that being a full time superhero brought with it. Putting these characters together in the same world led to exciting, emotional dramas that allow us to better associate ourselves with these characters. It’s the main reason why I find The Avengers so much more interesting than The Justice League. The JL is pretty much a bunch of boring, agreeable superheroes working together to do good things, but the Avengers are a powder keg of explosive tempers and differing opinions that usually squabble with each other as much as they do the bad guys.

But every rule has an exception, and despite all the Supermen, Green Lanterns, Flashes, Wonder Women, Aquamen (ugh), and other flat, boring characters, DC has at least given us the Batman. It’s hard to point out exactly what makes Bruce Wayne so cool, maybe it’s because he’s a world class martial artist, maybe it’s the high-tech toys that make him such a great detective, or maybe it’s the fact that he’s just a few life choices away from being one of the anti-social psychopaths he fights so hard to put away. Since his initial appearance in Detective Comics  Batman has emerged as arguably DCs most beloved character, and has been featured in countless comic stories, from the awesome…

Is that… is that a god damn dinosaur in the back?

To the… not so awesome…

But that didn’t stop Batman from spawning not only what is arguably the best comic book film franchise, but what may now be considered one of the best film trilogies of all time. What started with a great comic film in Batman Begins led to the near perfect specimen The Dark Knight, and finally to close it all out Christopher Nolan has given us The Dark Knight Rises. Was it a fitting end to this amazing series?

Yes… absolutely.

I’ll start out by saying right off the bat that this film was not quite as good as The Dark Knight, but that doesn’t mean that Christopher Nolan didn’t stick the landing perfectly. In fact, while I consider DK to be the better of the two films, I found DKR to be the more entertaining of the two. On the other hand, this film is pissing off a LOT of people, mainly hardcore fans of the Batman comic such as Harry Knowles at aintitcoolnews. For the most part, what’s irritating these people so much is the fact that Christopher Nolan is straying from the source material of the comics, but seriously, it’s not as bad as some people are making it out to be.

For example, and again… SPOILERS... a lot of people are pissed off that at one point in the film Alfred actually leaves Bruce Wayne because he can’t stand watching him hurt himself anymore. People are crying foul that Alfred from the comics never would have left his side, but somewhere in this whole mix people seem to have a double standard of what’s acceptable and not in comic adaptations. They’ll scream that Alfred wouldn’t leave Bruce’s side, but at the same time these critics find no problem with something like Spider-man having organic web shooters or Sabertooth being such a quiet, compliant weirdo.

This is literally 93% of his dialogue

Listen, I can only speak for myself, but I have no problem with adjusting fire when dealing with character traits as long as it advances the story and has emotional purpose behind it. If you can just let go of the world of the comics then you might be able to notice that the scene where Alfred says goodbye is actually a pretty damn gut-wrenching scene. It sets up the idea that Batman is going to be facing this storm alone and foreshadows the sense of hopelessness and abandonment that Bruce is about to experience, but instead people will just shake their heads and say “Pfffft… this is bullshit.”

Just because someone is directing a movie based on a comic doesn’t mean they need to interpret it word for word, they are just using it as a structural backbone for a story that THEY want to tell. Nobody complained that The Dark Knight was an interpretation of George Bush vs. Terrorism, so why should they care now? This is the director’s vision of the story, how dare we as spectators cry foul when they change a fact here or there. If you want a word for word version of Knightfall, then read freaking Knightfall! Now obviously I have a problem with changing the story so much that it no longer resembles the source material, like Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining, or with changing the story for reasons so stupid that the resultant mess turns into a colossal joke.

Oh, hey… how’d this get in here?

But let’s get to the meat and bones of this film. The story starts off almost a decade after the events of The Dark Knight. The death of Harvey Dent has led to the passing of an initiative that allowed the Gotham Police to wage war on organized crime, completely ridding Gotham City of any serious crime syndicates. Bruce Wayne has retired the cowl since being exiled from public favor after taking the blame for Dent’s death, and has since become a shadowy recluse confined to a wing of his mansion and leaving him a shell of the man he used to be.

It’s during this time that we see what being Batman has truly cost Bruce Wayne. The death of his true love has hollowed him out spiritually, and years of fighting crime has utterly destroyed his body. He’s suffering from a slew of horrendous conditions, including a complete loss of cartilage in one of his knees, kidney damage from the poisoning he took in Batman Begins, tissue damage and bone problems from broken appendages not being set right, and countless Traumatic Brain Injuries leading to brain damage. In short, Bruce Wayne is a mess, but he is totally happy with hanging up his cowl and living the rest of his life knowing that he helped clean up the city by taking the fall for Dent’s rampage, even if it wasn’t quite the way he imagined doing it.

Commissioner Gordon on the other hand is not so content, and as the film begins his inner conscience is beginning to overwhelm his love of a peaceful city. He is debating whether or not to inform Gotham about the truth surrounding Batman’s exile, and while he knows this will probably result in overturning most, if not all of Dent’s convictions he believes that Gotham deserves the truth and it deserves the return of the Dark Knight. Gary Oldman’s portrayal of Gordon has always been one of my favorite parts of Nolan’s re-imagining, trading in the bumbling old curmudgeon archetype most people associate the role with in exchange for that of a good, honest cop just trying to do everything he can for the good of the city.

Finally we have the antagonist of the film, a ‘roided out Tom Hardy taking on the role of Bane. Comparing him to Heath Ledger’s Joker would be unfair, so I’m not even going to try to make a comparison because to be completely honest, it doesn’t matter. The fact is that Bane was exactly what he needed to be in this movie, not simply turned into a stupid, grunting, asshole monster of a side-character thought up by an incompetent, lazy director.

Oh geez! Not another one! How’d these get here?

Now fans of the comic know that Bane was actually a brilliant tactician who played the city of Gotham like a game of chess, and that’s exactly what we get in this movie. The opening scene gives us a taste of the brilliant planning Bane is capable of, and instead of giving him a loud, booming, beastly monster voice like many fans speculated he would possess, he sounds more like Sean Connery speaking into a voice disguiser. It’s a bit off putting the first time we hear it, but it helps him come across as intelligent, and as the film goes on we quickly appreciate the real danger this voice represents. The choice of using this type of voice is a strange choice, and once again a lot of fans are complaining about it, but I think it works perfectly. It shows how if a competent director is changing source material, it's probably for a good reason. The important thing to remember is that most of the time…

not always…

but most of the time this can payoff big if the director knows what he is doing. This is especially effective the first time we see him and Batman fight, and hearing him quip off one-liners as he utterly decimates the Bat makes it even more terrifying in that creepy voice.

Bane’s ferocity is also a thing of terror, and his utterly brutal fighting style can be felt with each punch and kick he delivers. Each blow can be felt by the audience, and the scene is even more disturbing to watch when we see the look on Batman’s face when he realizes that this guy is winning, I mean actually WINNING. When Bruce finally puts the cape back on after his retirement he almost exuded a cocky arrogance about him, after all, he was the god damn BATMAN! He didn’t lose a fight to no one! But all that cockiness goes right out the window when Bane delivers that first haymaker, and as we see Bruce’s eyes fill with something that looks like disbelief and confusion, we the audience feel scared for what’s in store for Batsy.

The three main leads set a high bar for the film, but the two biggest supporting characters of the film were just as great. The first was Anne Hathaway as Catwoman, and while I always thought that she was a terrific and talented young actress I was completely caught off guard when I heard she would be playing Cat. This was honestly the last person I expected in the role, but I gave Nolan the benefit of the doubt because he clearly knew what he was doing. After all, this is the guy who took this…

And gave us this…

And again… I wasn’t disappointed. Anne Hathaway turns in a different role than the one made famous by Michelle Pfiefer, trading sultry sensuality for competence, intelligence, and elegance. Once again abiding by the rules of the Goyer Batman universe Selina Kyle is not a superhuman as much as she is a master thief with a penchant for cool gadgets and highly expensive tastes, and if you didn’t know better this could almost be just a really good cat burglar in the real world. In fact, I could be wrong, but I don’t even think anyone even said the word “Catwoman” through the entire film. The film also goes a long way to downplay any sexuality that Hathaway unwittingly exudes, and this actually helps establish Selina as an interesting and dynamic anti-hero instead of a revenge driven villain. Even that famous catsuit that the internet went ape shit over is barely in the movie.

Finally, Joseph Gordon Levitt is an outstanding (almost last minute) addition to the film, and even though at first I wasn’t sure of his role when they announced him I couldn’t be happier with his contribution to the film. I was so sure that he was going to be Jean-Paul Valley that that I was almost… ALMOST disappointed he didn’t wear the cowl, especially since at one point in the movie I was SO sure it was him. Nevertheless, his honest, subtle performance as a good cop who desperately believes the world needs Batman back is so well performed and compelling that I could watch a movie about just his character (which as it turns out, we just might… hint hint!).

I won’t delve into the rest of the film, as I believe that the less you know about it, the more you are going to enjoy it. I’m very glad I read nothing about The Dark Knight Rises prior to its release, as the movie is full of surprises, twists, and well executed scenes. I will however say that unlike the last five Batman films, this is truly a story where Batman shines brightest. Except for Burton’s first Batman film, every single movie always managed to overshadow Bruce Wayne with something much more distracting, whether it be from the style (Batman Returns), the cheesy villains (Batman Forever), the publicity storm (Batman Begins), the Joker (The Dark Knight), or the laughter, (Batman and Robin).

Remember the laughter?

This time around though the focus is on Bruce Wayne, all that other shit can just wait while we flesh out his story. Luckily, the always fantastic Bale is up to the task, and not only is this by far his best turn in the role, but it should go without saying that is the best turn in the role of Batman for all time. His previously mocked “Clint Eastwood” voice is more subdued this time around, and is perfectly balanced between intimidating and disguised. We feel every emotion imaginable as we see Bruce Wayne face impossible odds over and over again, and we feel the triumph every time he overcomes them. It’s a classic and harrowing story of love, hate, betrayal, loss, adversity, and most importantly of all, redemption, and it’s a great way to send out this amazing re-imagining that may very well be the greatest trilogy of all time.

Now sure, there are certainly flaws with the film, most notably of which a lot of people are saying that the second act is very boring. I couldn’t disagree more, as this is the moment where Batman gets more exposition than every other Batman film combined, but I will say it is quite dry. I know why Nolan wanted it like this, but it doesn’t help to have something like this in a film that is nearly three hours long. Also, there are quite a few twists through the film, and while 90% were very poignant for the plot, there was one in particular that I didn’t quite like as they tarnished a character I had come to love so much throughout the film. I kinda had the feeling it was coming, but I was still disappointed when it happened. Another twist at the very end had an execution that was so poorly thought out that I found it flat out insulting, and I’m about to delve into SERIOUS spoiler territory so if you haven’t seen the film or don’t want to hear it, scroll past.

SPOILERS!

I hate… HATE how they had to actually say that John Blake’s legal name was Robin, like we the audience are so stupid that we needed to hear that one specific word to get the association. Would it really have been so bad if the line went like this?

Woman at Counter: “You should use your real name, Richard Grayson sounds much better.”

Even people who haven’t read the comic would be able to put it together when they saw the last frame of the film, and believe it or not I don’t have a problem with Robin taking over the cowl as this is actually happening now in the comic world of Batman. I literally tilted my head back and groaned out loud in the theater when they said the word “Robin”, and it reminded me of when they had to put Harry, Hermione, and Ron’s childhood heads on adult bodies at the end of the last Harry Potter film because they thought we were too dumb to know what was going on.

END SPOILERS

I hear rumors of Warner Bros trying to follow The Avengers coat tails by gearing up to tackle a Justice League movie of their own, and after watching this film I almost wish they didn’t because I just want the legend of Batman to stay with this franchise forever with this amazing send off. The future of what Warner wants to do with Batman is unclear at this point but make no mistake, the story of Bruce Wayne ends here. If they really decide to continue forward at this point, let’s hope they do it with a little more dignity than they did the last time they switched directors.

What the hell?!? Seriously, how do these keep getting in here?

9.5 out of 10